The End of the Hard Stuff

September was a hard month. It was the final month of my “consolidation chemo”… which, as I understand it, was a way to consolidate every possible negative side effect of my treatment and forcefully cram it up my ass for three straight weeks. My chemo took the shape of General Sherman as he scorched his way through my American South.

Some Civil War history lessons for you
Some Civil War history lessons for you

The total warfare tactic was designed as a final blow against my currently non-existent disease.  South Cancerlina had surrendered months ago, but union doctors needed to burn it in order to make sure the war would not continue in the future.

Continue reading The End of the Hard Stuff

Adding Salt to the Ocean

Buoyancy has eluded me for months. I’ve been an object heavier than the medium in which I’ve been suspended. This has caused me to sink, has kept my head below the surface and left me suspended beneath the surface plane in which I felt secure enough to exist.

It’s been like this for months, which is why I’ve been quiet. It’s hard to communicate under water when you only have a few precious lungfuls of air that you think you’ll need to survive when you are under.

The current is changing, though. I’ve found a way to shed some of my mass or increase my volume, or whatever makes more sense for the density equation. We’ll say I gained some volume since my chubby travel season belly definitely hasn’t lost any mass.

yes I wore a ton of sunscreen all the time
yes I wore a ton of sunscreen all the time

Continue reading Adding Salt to the Ocean


It’s been a while, sorry. I haven’t felt inspired to be inspirational… unless you think that complaining, expressions of grumpiness or the general feeling of being “over it” is inspirational to you.  I heard that “I” word a lot to describe how I reacted to the cancer and what I did with that reaction, but it always made me feel a little strange.  The only time I ever felt “inspiring” was when I was high as a kite because I was roided to the gills. I didn’t even know where I was half the time but inspiration burst from my face as if it were banana flavored vodka and I were a hazed sorority pledge.  Then I sobered up and got hungover, I was no longer inspired and thus not inspiring.

It’s been over a month since I gave you any updates. A lot has happened, but a lot always happens and quite frankly I’m tired of it. I used to be excited to have something to write about when something weird happened to me, like all of my blood turning green and starting to vibrate, but now I’m just fucking over it.  It’s not funny to me anymore, mostly because I don’t have cancer but still have to keep injecting myself with poison for the next 6 months “just to be safe.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m very into the “better safe than sorry” mentality… but I haven’t had a biopsy since mid-February (which was cancer free) and I’ve had so many complications from treatment since then.  Doesn’t matter, though… we have to stick to the program! We must live and die by the chemo regimen that was designed for somebody much younger than I am (because I have pediatric cancer) that has caused an unusual amount of problems (according to how my nurses react to me) in my body. Gotta stick to it, though! It must be right because it was written down. There is room for minor alterations to make sure that the treatment plan doesn’t kill me (and it has come close to doing so), but we need to stay the course! How else will these drug companies make any money if I don’t?

I’ve had so many complications from chemo that they couldn’t even give me chemo for the entire month of May because the chemo they gave me fucked my body up to the point where I couldn’t receive chemo.  I had so many spinal taps that my central nervous system started to revolt and cause excruciating full body pain and headaches whenever I stood up (which happened the week we moved into our house, so I spent the entire move lying on the floor directing friends and hired hands what to do like a paraplegic symphony conductor) and my liver essentially shut down and stopped metabolizing fat which brought my blood fat levels up 700 times what they should be.  They were the highest levels the hospital had ever seen, and some of the highest levels I could find on the internet. I dangerously close to either having a stroke or pancreatitis, so they had to remove all of my blood, spin it in a centrifuge, remove the fat and then put my blood back into my body… three times in a week.

This is what came out of my blood on the first session. That is 4 quarts of blood fat… all of the nurses were grossed out (which is hard to do):


This meant that I had to switch from a “eat whatever you can!” to a “don’t eat anything that you like” diet. Food was my biggest comfort, but of course that’s gone now. Thankfully Liana is a wonderful help when it comes to low fat cooking…

None of these things are symptoms of leukemia, by the way.

After my month off of chemo (and after the dangerous levels of triglycerides were removed from my blood), I felt great. I felt like I used to feel… normal, energetic, not nauseated… it was great. I got a taste of normality and it left me wanting more. Of course as soon as I felt better it was time to start chemo back up again, so here we are. I wake up every morning open my eyes and stay in bed for a few hours fighting off the urge to throw up, then I wake up and eat something (low in fat, of course) and have to take deep breathes to keep my stomach lining from revolting on me, and then sit in my home office and work…which is more difficult than it used to because somewhere around half of my brain cells have died.

Going through weird treatments while in the hospital is one thing, but I’m home now.  I’m working full time, I’m trying to hold on to at least a skeleton of my social life, I’m trying to maintain a relationship, I’ve got to keep up on household chores, I have responsibilities…I’ve transitioned back into a “normal life” while still having this very abnormal shit going on. But hey, at least I get a new bill every day…that’s nice and normal!

Forgive me for the change in attitude, I’m just over it.

I didn’t want to write this; I don’t have anything nice to say. I hope I haven’t unspired anybody.

Cancer and Pregnancy: A Comparison

I’m almost 30…that means I have SIX weddings to go to this summer and many of my friends are getting pregnant. The similarities between my condition and that of my preggo friends are pretty astounding. For instance, we both have foreign bodies growing inside of us, though I’m actively trying to destroy mine while they are incubating theirs for life. Here’s a list of more similarites between cancer and pregnancy:


Continue reading Cancer and Pregnancy: A Comparison

Yes, Some Jobs are More Important than Others.

Let’s Face It, Some Jobs Are More Important Than Others. You guessed it, I’m talking about the ladies and gentleman of Health Care. Doctors, PA’s, Residents, CNAs, Therapists, Social Workers, Med Techs, and especially LPNs and RNs. Forgive me those that I am leaving out.

IMG_1759 (1)
Know Your Colors. Mmm, Wine



Continue reading Yes, Some Jobs are More Important than Others.

You should buy this Art Print


Hey guys, you should definitely order one of these prints that famous artist Max Kauffman made for me. It’s awesome and limited addition and proceeds go to my medical bills. It’s extremely nice of him to donate his time and talents to me and I greatly appreciate his efforts and friendships.


“Adorable Discord” will be a run of 80, 6.5×9 inches, hand torn on hahnemuhle paper with archival inks. $20 in person, or $25 with shipping in the US. Outside of US, please email first.

Also, if you are in the Bay Area, you should go to the studio party he is having THIS THURSDAY (March 5th, 2015) above Lequivive Gallery @1525 Webster, Oakland CA, where some small drawings and older paintings will be available with those proceeds going to my medical expenses as well. Stop by, see what he’s been up to, and help a good cause! (yes I am a good cause!) Also, refreshments (cheap beer) will be present.

Starts at 7pm on Thursday. Oakland Check it out.

A quick, but important, update.

JASON thanks


Hey Everybody,


I know it’s been a while since I’ve given ya’ll any updates. I’ve been back at my home away from home… the 4th Floor of the inpatient oncology unit for my medical safety since thursday night. I’m doing very well and am hopeful to be released tomorrow morning to start my outpatient chemotherapy and get back to working part time later this week. I just wanted to thank everybody for their extremely generous donations to my youcare page.


Big ups to NYC’s own Kath K.for the help. She’s a rockstar.


Cancer Trolling posts will return very soon!




Oh, what a word!

Oh, what a word!

Say it again.


 I often thought,

I often dreamed how it would be–

And yet I never thought I’d be–

Once again.


 I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because actually nothing happens until it happens, but I was told by the lead Oncologist today that they will be confident in releasing me from the hospital within a matter of days. All of my medical numerals are being reported with extreme gusto so the only things holding me here are a few administrative necessities. Basically I’m healthy enough to walk out the front door RIGHT NOW but I’ll need to stick around for a few days while we get the important discharge shit wiped up  ( those last four words were chosen with absolute intention).

Right after I found out
Right after I found out

Can you see me?

Can you see me?

When I’m free to be whatever I want to be,

Think what wonders I’ll accomplish then!

  Continue reading Free

Important Address Update

I’m not quite ready to make a big post about this yet, so just listen to my cryptic words:

I received news today that suggests that people should stop mailing me items to my hospital address.

That’s all I’m saying for now….




Chemo Sesh #5: The Cuter Valentine’s Day Post

My how a difference a week and some blood levels make. I had my final in-patient IV chemo session last night (2/15/15), right before a super romantic Valentine’s Day celebration, and I feel totally fine today. The chemo was the normal stuff I’ve been getting for the last few weeks, but with some thoughtful little Valentine’s Day decorations to cuten up the death chemical applicators. RN Kaitin really made my night with those. She’s the best. 

Red Chemo Drug for Valentine's Day Decorated with little hearts by my treasured RN Kaitlin.
Red Chemo Drug for Valentine’s Day Decorated with little hearts by my treasured RN Kaitlin.

The drugs were the same, though my physical reaction was much less severe this week. I did not wake up in the throes of an existential panicmelt this morning, nor am I experiencing much of anything other than slight fatigue. All there is to report on is a whole bunch of bed sitting and Sunday relaxing…which I feel like I pretty god damned well deserve!

 Despite the uneventful chemo session, there is a story in the circumstances because it was Valentine’s Day! Chemotherapy doesn’t exactly scream sexytime-romance to anybody… Well, actually, Official Rule of the Internet #36 states: “If somebody has thought of it, there is a fetish for it. No exceptions.” So there is at least one sexual deviant out there who is reading this while having a Daunorubicin Hydrochloride-lubed party in his bathing suit area….
Continue reading Chemo Sesh #5: The Cuter Valentine’s Day Post