Ever been stabbed in the chest with a safety pin between your ribs? I was three times today! It felt at good as it sounds. I still have the needle in, because I’m being pumped full of ass chemicals right now. I’ll be here for about four hours, but it’s way better than staying all night.
Oh the chest stabbing, that’s because I switched my horrible PICC line (remember that thing in my arm?) out for a chest port. It looks like this, but under my skin:
Looks like I’ll be stopping back into the the hospital for an injection every day this week, which is annoying. An oncologist was just in here, though, and he compared chemo to being in Vietnam War. The soldiers who were drafted that saw the war as an inconvenient and just put their time in were better able to adjust to post-war life than the people who totally took to the the war lifestyle. Basically he validated the fact that I’m getting annoyed with all of this.
So I’ll change the subject to my new hat! I swiped it from the front office in honor of both the disgrace of The Broncos and Syracuse. Go orange and blue!
You’re walking the dog alone, because it’s 6am and you both wake up that early, and she poops on somebody else’s lawn. You’re not supposed to handle dog shit because you are prone to infection. What do you do?
You’re at Best Buy because your mom was nice enough to buy you a TV for your housewarming/birthday present. Its pretty heavy, much more than you’re allowed to lift because of your recent surgery. The Best Buy employee helping you is handicapped himself and your mom has a sprained ankle. How does the TV get to the car?
Everything is a little bit harder with Cancer. Your hands are shaky, your fingertips numb, your brain is foggy from the chemos and your reaction time is slower. You eat a lot but you lose weight and you’re nowhere near light on your feet. You don’t know what your able to do all week because nobody will tell you your chemo schedule…
It’s ok, though, because you have plenty of help. Your family, girlfriend, friends, nurses are all here to help you manage these changes. It’s not always fun for an independent person to accept help, but it does make life, and life with cancer, easier.
Let’s Face It, Some Jobs Are More Important Than Others. You guessed it, I’m talking about the ladies and gentleman of Health Care. Doctors, PA’s, Residents, CNAs, Therapists, Social Workers, Med Techs, and especially LPNs and RNs. Forgive me those that I am leaving out.
Hey guys, you should definitely order one of these prints that famous artist Max Kauffman made for me. It’s awesome and limited addition and proceeds go to my medical bills. It’s extremely nice of him to donate his time and talents to me and I greatly appreciate his efforts and friendships.
“Adorable Discord” will be a run of 80, 6.5×9 inches, hand torn on hahnemuhle paper with archival inks. $20 in person, or $25 with shipping in the US. Outside of US, please email first.
Also, if you are in the Bay Area, you should go to the studio party he is having THIS THURSDAY (March 5th, 2015) above Lequivive Gallery @1525 Webster, Oakland CA, where some small drawings and older paintings will be available with those proceeds going to my medical expenses as well. Stop by, see what he’s been up to, and help a good cause! (yes I am a good cause!) Also, refreshments (cheap beer) will be present.
I know it’s been a while since I’ve given ya’ll any updates. I’ve been back at my home away from home… the 4th Floor of the inpatient oncology unit for my medical safety since thursday night. I’m doing very well and am hopeful to be released tomorrow morning to start my outpatient chemotherapy and get back to working part time later this week. I just wanted to thank everybody for their extremely generous donations to my youcare page.
Last night (2/22/15) I learned a valuable lesson during a lovely oscar party celebration where I nearly traded a piece of my finger with a hunk of chorizo in a meat dip I was making. I personally think the fingertip would have been an addition to the dip, considering that my blood is completely full of chemicals designed to murder anything organic they touch. It certainly would have added a very unique flavor profile to the dish!
Since transitioning from the inpatient oncology unit, I have been on a reckless vendetta against my previous hospital chains. This has mostly been a very good thing for me, and hopefully those around me, until my carelessness and foolishness got the best of me last night. I dipped a pinky toe with a bloody hangnail into a shallow pool of hammerheads sharks. I made a very careless choice that caused me to end up in the ER at around 10pm.
Sorry for the lack of updates lately! I’ve been transitioning from Hospital to Home, Inpatient to Outpatient. There is more for me to say than ever before. Please stay tuned, Cancer Trolling is just getting started.
Here’s a pretty sweet #GQancer shot to tide you over:
I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because actually nothing happens until it happens, but I was told by the lead Oncologist today that they will be confident in releasing me from the hospital within a matter of days. All of my medical numerals are being reported with extreme gusto so the only things holding me here are a few administrative necessities. Basically I’m healthy enough to walk out the front door RIGHT NOW but I’ll need to stick around for a few days while we get the important discharge shit wiped up ( those last four words were chosen with absolute intention).