{"id":398,"date":"2015-02-01T07:06:08","date_gmt":"2015-02-01T07:06:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cancertrolling.wordpress.com\/?p=334"},"modified":"2015-02-01T07:06:08","modified_gmt":"2015-02-01T07:06:08","slug":"staving-off-cabin-fever-hunting-for-rns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/?p=398","title":{"rendered":"Staving off Cabin Fever: Hunting for RNs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Among\u00a0blood clots, bed sores and other physical ailments caused by sedentary life in the oncology ward there is another, \u00a0even more dangerous enemy: Cabin Fever. \u00a0The doctors want us to keep on our feet\u00a0as much as we can because being physically healthy is a healthy idea when you are already unhealthy and blah blah blah ugggghhh shut up I’m not listening. My doctor threatened to light a few\u00a0matches\u00a0under my shoe earlier today if I didn’t make an effort to get some hallway time (similarly to when we throw a racket ball down my apartment hallway for Dumb Dumb Ruby to chase). We’re supposed to walk three miles a day, \u00a0the hallway of the oncology unit is 28 laps to a mile, and the hallway looks like this:<\/p>\n

\"BORING\"<\/a>
28 x 3 x that= NERP<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Compare that close-out\u00a0WalGreens aisle to the sexual vibrancy of color, light and magic that exists within the confines of my\u00a0Studio 54\u00a0Quarantania:<\/em><\/p>\n

\"NOT<\/a>
DEAL WITH IT<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

There is a clear winner when it comes to inviting atmospheres, and it surely isn’t the neutered network of fluorescent vas deferen outside my door. I tried to convince my doctors and RNs that I get plenty of exercise by bouncing my legs along to the sweet jams I be pumpin’ in here all day long but they still insist upon the fact that I leave my room and exercise my dumb body, despite the fact that I’ve been spending 30 years purposely punishing it.<\/p>\n

I decided, regardless, to be a good little patient tonight and venture out into the vapid hallway… but on MY terms. I wasn’t just going to walk up and down the hallways like your local mall’s Bitchin Blue-Hair Betty Brigade… No, I WAS GOING ON AN ADVENTURE.<\/p>\n


\nJust like every poor schmuck who has to don the annoyingly uncomfortable antimicrobial uniform upon entering my neutropenic bubble-boy domicile, I have to suit up whenever I exit my threshold.<\/p>\n

\"Kind<\/a>
Kind of like military fatigues but way\u00a0more intimidating<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I clandestinely crouched out into the Tatooine emptiness of the Blood Cancer Institute hallway late that Saturday night in an attempt to locate any signs of life in the vapid rectangular maze\u00a0of sterile quiet.\u00a0I had my back against the wall, alternating\u00a0my glances to and fro, in a constant scan for friend or foe. I ducked by another patient’s\u00a0open door, but the volume of their snoring \u00a0implied a\u00a0threat to my mission. With a delicate bound (followed closely by my brightly colored IV pole) I overtook his open door and came upon my first discovery.<\/p>\n

I had\u00a0stumbled upon the “family waiting room” area, where I realized \u00a0that my RN hunting task would be much more daunting than I had first anticipated:<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1055\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The utterly lifeless room consisted of a set of never used poker chips, a wall of medical pamphlets and a shelf of the best puzzles\u00a0from\u00a0that (not this) side of Delaware.\u00a0I felt a strong case of attention deathicit disorder creeping into my nervous system, so I decided to cut my losses in this room and pursue signs of life elsewhere.<\/p>\n

Venturing back into the hallway I came across\u00a0something\u00a0familiar\u00a0that at one point had a profound effect on my brain… It was some concept that I feel like I once understood, as if learned from an illustrated children’s book, \u00a0a glimpse of a past dream, or even a mem-uh… memor \u2013 whatever you call them things that once were happening in your head\u00a0area spot. It displayed vibrant, earthy colors and gave off the appearance of being fluid, breathing and ALIVE:<\/p>\n

\"what<\/a>
what is this magic??<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

This made me believe that I was on the right track. I WOULD find what I was looking for out in the Great Hospilian Desert. There was now hope after all. Despite life’s most harrowing obstacles (like when WordPress nukes 2.5 hours of your best fucking work when you try to\u00a0hit “save draft” while writing what you thought was going to be your best piece yet MURDER MURDER MURDER), the slightest hint of success down the road is enough to keep a man on his feet. It isn’t achieving the\u00a0glory that makes us strong,\u00a0it is reaching for it that strengthens us.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1057\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Energized by this otherworldly mirage I retooled my headspace, gathered my gear and marched onward. Alone but for my bedazzled IV stand, I crept\u00a0deeper into the ironically lit abyss until I came across the\u00a0next piece of the puzzle. It was my leucky break: The Harrowed Wall of RNs:<\/p>\n

\"Basically<\/a>
Basically the most valuable treasure map ever.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I was hot on the trail now, no turning back. Like\u00a0the member of the bloodhound gang that sniffed out the breakthrough line in “you and me baby ain’t nothin but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the discovery channel,” I knew that my hunt was almost complete.<\/p>\n

(you win if you don’t get the above Bloodhound Gang reference, trust<\/em> me<\/em>)<\/p>\n

Instinct takes over at\u00a0this point in the hunt. There’s only so much a man can control<\/a>\u00a0when he’s working off of the will of his collective ancestral knowledge. No\u00a0amount of anal retentive planning can help you this late in the game. The nerds back in the lab and the tech geeks out in the van have played their very important parts, but what it all comes down to\u00a0now\u00a0is unfettered\u00a0courage and\u00a0leadership. He is an amalgamation of all the best parts of the others but without their neurosies to fetter his way. In this\u00a0man’s zone, all perceived control <\/a>is released and replaced by the immortal flow of instinct and unadulterated BADASSERY.<\/p>\n

And then I looked through my chemoflage and saw them. My trail had serendipitously led me directly to the main hive: The Charge Nurse Station.<\/p>\n

\"NURSES\"<\/a>
RNs in their most hostile habitat.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\"I<\/a>
I don’t think they can see me, otherwise they’d swarm.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

My instinct was to freeze; I was fully confident that I would avoid detection if I made no sound or movement whatsoever. This Hunter’s Hide Blind that I had personally developed was \u00a0a foolproof camouflage for this dangerous mission.<\/p>\n

\"invisible<\/a>
invisible<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Any popped chewing gum, any tap of a heal, even the slightest whiff of my\u00a0seven dollar deodorant and I’d be spotted. I’VE COME TOO FAR FOR THIS TO END NOW. I had to learn more…<\/p>\n

Upon closer\u00a0inspection, it was\u00a0clear to me that not only had I stumbled upon the Charge\u00a0Nurse Station, but I\u00a0was able to observe multiple high RH specimens interacting in their most sacred natural habitat. I was about to push the limits of scientific observation and discovery to new levels \u2013<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1084\"<\/a><\/p>\n

::::::BEEP BEEP BEEP<\/strong><\/em><\/a>::::::<\/span><\/p>\n

Blast! There was a kink in my IV fluid line. One of the nurses turned her head toward my hide-behind. She heard\u00a0the alarm.\u00a0My heart raced, my palms moistened… I was in\u00a0the belly of a conscious beast and was running out of safe options.\u00a0I\u00a0was\u00a0fairly confident with my #chemochamo in this situation,\u00a0but an IV alarm going off behind the delicate disguise is no match for the heightened senses of these trained (anti)killers.<\/p>\n

\"IMG_1085\"<\/a>
She still doesn’t see me….<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
\"IMG_1083\"<\/a>
…or does she?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

:::::::BEEP BEEP BEEP<\/strong><\/em><\/a>::::::<\/span><\/p>\n

\"oops\"<\/a>
OH SHIT<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n


\n<\/a>:::::::BEEP BEEP BEEP<\/strong><\/em><\/a>::::::<\/span><\/p>\n

\"um,<\/a>
um, hey…<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

aaaaaaaaand now i’m grounded.<\/p>\n

\"SURPRISE<\/a>
SURPRISE<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Among\u00a0blood clots, bed sores and other physical ailments caused by sedentary life in the oncology ward there is another, \u00a0even more dangerous enemy: Cabin Fever. \u00a0The doctors want us to keep on our feet\u00a0as much as we can because being physically healthy is a healthy idea when you are already unhealthy and blah blah blah … Continue reading Staving off Cabin Fever: Hunting for RNs<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,3,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-398","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-leucky","category-canecdotes","category-the-narrative"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5HxlD-6q","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=398"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/398\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cancertrolling.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}