Category: Practical Info

Letter Home from the Dorms: Midterm Progress Report

Hey Guys! Just checking in again from The Colorado Blood Cancer Institute.  We had another meeting today at the residence hall where our RAs suggested we write you another status update letter. I understand that you guys are investing a lot into my progress and experience here so I’m happy to keep you posted on my shit! Pop yourself open a cold one and read on if you wanna know what’s going on with me!

 A few things have changed since I last wrote. I’ve made some upgrades to my dorm room to make it feel more homey.The mass produced furniture still exists in the room, but I was able to add some of my flair to spice things up!

 

Keepin' it chill
Keepin’ it chill

Continue reading Letter Home from the Dorms: Midterm Progress Report

Oil and Gas Parallels

I’m an oilman, ladies and gentlemen. I have numerous concerns spread across this state. I have many wells flowing at many thousand barrels per day. I like to think of myself as an oilman. As an oilman, I hope that you’ll forgive just good old-fashioned plain speaking.I assure you, ladies and gentlemen, that if we do find oil here – and I think there’s a very good chance that we will – this community of yours will not only survive, it will flourish.- Daniel Plainview

                                                                Plainview

I can’t help but notice the parallels in my line of work (outside of blogging) with some of the procedures I’ve had to endure in the hospital. Like the DJ Basin to our north, the sedimentary layers of my body have been drilled, cored, fracked, poked, and threaded with all manner of equipment designed to inject or extract my raw materials. Piping has been run through the formations of my human earth for the purpose of exploration, production and exploitation of valuable hazardous materials. I’m a living oil and gas field with a reasonable amount of flaring (which is the releasing of toxic gases into the atmosphere for you layfolk). Continue reading Oil and Gas Parallels

CancerTrolling.com is LIVE

Hey Friends, Fans, Families, Lovers, Laughers, Well Wishers, Followers, Supporters,

With a lot of help from a lot of helpy helpers we are officially unveiling cancertrolling.com. HERE!

 

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It’s basically just a migration of this blog, but with a straight up legit domain name and stuff. We’re working on getting all the old blog links to transfer over to the new site at a single click, but I figured I’d just drop you a note here and let you know that you should be accessing all things CancerTrolling over on the dot com from now on. No more need for the dot wordpress junk.

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As I’ve made it blatantly aware, this blog started out as a conduit for my brain and fingerrhea, but seems to be growing into something much bigger. The support this ide  has received in just over a week has inspired me to do more with my life and (dare I say) talents than the previous 30 years. Please bear with me as I go through some growing (and cancer) pains while I try to grow the scope of this brand/empire/fuckfest into its true vision.

Stay tuned for some more fun, exciting, human, real, gritty, informative content to come!!!

Anything is possible with a little #leuck

Chemo Sesh #3: Getting Gritty

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Today (1/31/2015) marks the beginning of my second round of chemo. Yes, this is the third Chemo Sesh, but there are three(ish) seshes within each round of chemo.  Today’s genocidal drugs that inflated my veins like a mutant carnival balloon animal were the same compounds that first entered my bloodstream a week ago on day one. The first implementation of these drugs, as you may remember, resulted in a slight metallic taste in my mouth and some neon peach pee pees.

That's only normal after music festivals...
That’s only normal after music festivals…

According to the lovely and brilliant Ashley RN, this is the dose of the chemo that I should start feeling….hence the artsy fartsy color corrected picture above! Expect some more nit, grit, snark and dark. Continue reading Chemo Sesh #3: Getting Gritty

Our Chemo Romance

Chemo Romance, not that crappy band….

One of the hardest things about having the immune system of a kitten born prematurely with unrelenting feline AIDS is the lack of human contact. My chart says that I am “profoundly neutropenic,” which means that my white blood cell count is lower than snake piss (as we used to say in Upstate NY.) An errant fart could kill me at the moment, so everyone who enters my hospital suite has to wear a mask, gloves and a really stylish yellow gown made out of low-grade paper towels. My doctors and nurses handle me constantly, so I do have SOME contact, but that’s obviously not what I’m talking about. This is about being around my girlfriend.

To put it bluntly, my current physicality with Liana is about as fulfilling as a Mormon safe sex pamphlet. Ever since we’ve been separated by sterile barriers, I’ve realized how much I’ve taken for granted… There have been no hello kisses, no hand holdings, no skin-on-skin snuggles, no hair smellings (keeping this rated G, you PERVS.) The last feeling I had before falling asleep every night used to be her lips against mine, or at the very least a stray hand that fumbled toward me in the dark to maintain a symbolic contact.
Continue reading Our Chemo Romance

Leukemia Office: Rm 4217, Cancer Inc.

Good Afternoon. How are you?
You weren’t kept waiting too long were you? Do you need anything a drink? Water? Coffee?

<Cancer Secretary, Did you take care of these nice people out there? Ok, thank you! Hold my calls for a while please!>

She’s fitting in so well here, I’m glad I hired her. Things have gotten MUCH better around these parts. Please have a seat.

Hold on, I’ll be right with you. Just gotta sign this thing….

Continue reading Leukemia Office: Rm 4217, Cancer Inc.

Letter Home from the Dorm: My Class Schedule/Syllabus

Dear Home,

Hey guys! So our RAs said it would be a nice idea if I wrote you a status letter, since I’m approaching the end of my first week here at the Colorado Blood Cancer Institute Dorms. It’s been quite the learning experience… All the other kids are cool, my RAs seem pretty chill (though they are awfully strict about some things, and I’m sure I’ll have to towel the door and hide my Coors Light behind the soda in my mini fridge) and the cafeteria food isn’t THAT bad. I miss the privacy and comforts of home, but the excitement of co-ed communal living also has its benefits. Sometimes I get to hang out in the common room with the other kids in the dorm and chillax out with some sick puzzles and crossword books. It’s pretty dope and chill and stuff.  It’s not all about leisure time though, I’m here at the institute for a reason and that’s what I’ve been focusing on. I’ve pretty much committed my class schedule and syllabus to memory at this point, so I feel like I’m in pretty good shape to get my money’s worth and graduate on time with a better than average GPA. You’ll be proud of me, I promise.

Here is a rundown of my daily life at the institute:

Continue reading Letter Home from the Dorm: My Class Schedule/Syllabus

Chemo Sesh #2: Chemochic

ChemoSteamo
ChemoSteamo

Bet you never thought chemotherapy could be sexy, right? Well that’s why I’m here, to buttram your preconceived notions of all things Cancer. You can have fun, you can enjoy yourself, you can be sexy as fuck.

The peacock silk scarf appeals to those women out there who enjoy some flash and pizazz in a man- bright tail feathers to catch their attention. The messy unshowered greasy hair is for the bad boy trouble maker that they can’t help but loving, despite their best efforts to remove aloof danger from their lives. Bringing it all together is the come hither glance an slight lip pout. It’s a subtle expression, but more powerful than foot rubs and chocolate ice cream when played correctly.

Continue reading Chemo Sesh #2: Chemochic

Why They Wanna See my Spine, Mommy? AM I GONNA DIE?

Like many of you, the thought of a SPINAL TAP completely freaked me out. We’ve all heard horror stories, we all know the cultural stigma (like a root canal, but so much worse that people don’t even joke about it), and we’ve all heard Ween’s drippingly creepy “Spinal Meningitis.” Well, we probably all haven’t heard that song because it’s completely insane and obscure (which is how I like my musics to be). If you didn’t take the time to listen to it, or just couldn’t get through it because you’re a wimp, it’s sung from the perspective of a little kid who is experiencing the fear of an impending spinal tap.

Why they wanna see my spine mommy?
Why they wanna see my spine?
It’s gonna hurt again mommy
Much worse than last time
Am I gonna see God, mommy?
Am I gonna die?
It really hurts mommy!
Am I gonna die?
I’m feelin’ greasy mommy
Please don’t let me die
Stinky vaseline mommy!
Please don’t let me die

Continue reading Why They Wanna See my Spine, Mommy? AM I GONNA DIE?

Control, or Lack Thereof

Everybody who knows me would describe me as a tightly wound anxious control freak. I used to wear this as a badge of honor, citing it as the example why most of our social endeavours end up working out so well. Somebody has to take charge sometimes to plan and organize things or else events will just devolve into people randomly walking into each other and losing their ability to speak English.

I’ve never been a “go with the flow” type. I don’t believe in the phrase. When water initially flows down a piece of land,  physics and gravity guide it into a channel. It isn’t just a random karmic movement of flowing molecules… they are governed by real laws of science until they find the best possible channel down which to flow. I am a type of person that goes out and looks for that channel, and if it doesn’t exist… I dig it. It’s proactive pragmatic situation control… it works wonders in many disciplines of the world.

Continue reading Control, or Lack Thereof